50 Appropriate Ways
to Celebrate Swintonian Greatness
to Celebrate Swintonian Greatness
- Be a genius.
- Dye your hair white blonde... or bright red.
- Be colorful.
- Imagine you have deep Scottish roots.
- Create an eccentric personal film festival.
- Attend any film festival near you.
- Have tremendous commitment to your art.
- Exhibit tremendous loyalty to your friends.
- Watch a Derek Jarman film immediately. (This should have been first. Just pretend you did it first.)
- Stand naked in front of the mirror with your goodies tucked.
- Say "Same person. No different at all. Just a different sex"
- That's right. Watch ORLANDO (1993) again. It's so good.
- Break the fourth wall with Jimmy Sommerville blasting behind you as soundtrack.
- Clone yourself.
- Enjoy your own company.
- Pretend your children (or niece & nephews) are twins. Call them "Xavier" and "Honor" all day.
- Invite a friend over and do a crazy photoshoot. You photograph so well!
- Pose for a talented painter.
- Become a muse for multiple creative types: fashion, film, art, music. Anything!
- Experiment with an open relationship.
- Wear attention-grabbing shoes.
- Be enigmatic.
- Boss someone who looks like George Clooney around.
- Befriend Justin Bond.
- Sweat it out in a bathroom stall or nervously rehearse a speech.
- Cause trouble for someone who looks like Leonardo DiCaprio.
- Watch I AM LOVE for IT IS CINEMA...
- ...then have sex outdoors with an Italian or a chef (bonus points for both)
- Invite people over to watch you sleep... for a whole week.
- Do the Laurel & Hardy dance from Way Out West.
- Wear your most avante-garde article of clothing.
- Embrace Female Perversions... whatever that may mean to you.
- Listen to Orbital's "The Box"
- Get real drunk and run your mouth constantly ...maybe wear a creepy black mask while doing so?
- Take a swim and pretend you've crossed the English channel.
- Seduce someone who looks like Ewan McGregor.
- Pretend to hate your cat and him/her "Aslan".
- Offer a young bratty boy some Turkish delight.
- Wear a shapeless baggy black dress to an important event.
- Don't wear makeup just because people expect you to.
- Pretend you've just won an Oscar. (You don't have to pretend that you deserved it. You sure did.)
- Learn another language.
- Be cultured.
- Join the 8½ Foundation.
- Complain to everyone who will listen that Tilda should have won a second Oscar for Julia last year.
- Remember that art is more important than money. (Only sell out temporarily in short doses... even when the offers come flooding in.)
- Be androgynous.
- And/or appreciate the androgynous in others.
- "Do not fade. Do not grow old."
- Never lack for imagination.
- Be your own person. There is only one you.
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