The Razzies Are Coming! The Razzies Are Coming!

Why so glum Christina?

"and you're in my mirror AGAIN?"

Oh right, you suspect that a Razzie nomination is coming your way for Worst Actress for Burlesque? Happily the movie, though, is not on the longlist for a potential Worst Picture bid.

Worst Picture Longlist:  The Bounty Hunter, Clash of the Titans, The Expendables, Grown Ups, Jonah Hex, Killers, The Last Airbender, Little Fockers, Sex and the City 2, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Vampires Suck and Yogi Bear.

Nominations will be announced on Monday, January 24th. You can still join up and be a voter for $25 [begging] but if you have $25 to throw around, I'd prefer you donate it to The Film Experience. I work hard for you all year and the Razzies only spring up once! [/begging]

The Razzies are rarely discussed in a serious way on the web as it's mostly an opportunity for free-form mocking. It's good that Burlesque missed this longlist. Burlesque is NOT a bad movie; it's fully aware of what it is and it's totally entertaining. If you get a good helping of entertainment out of a movie, it is not worthy of Worst Picture gong.

But in some ways, the Razzies reflect just as much laziness in groupthink voting as any of the "Best" focused precursors do year in and year out. Both actresses are on the longlists for Worst Actress. There is nothing about Cher, as an actress, that one could conceivably view as worst; she's fully aware of what she's capable of and she's totally entertaining (I'm sensing a repetitive theme here). More inexplicably, since Cher is an easy/visible/lazy target, is that Cam Gigandent is on the longlist of Worst Supporting Actor for his best performance to date... which is not saying much, but throw a guy a bone! If you can watch Easy A and Burlesque and think he's worse in the latter, you are probably missing your eyeballs altogether. (In which case: How are you watching movies, silly!?)

Link You. Link You. And Link You.

GQ Winona Ryder's Black Swan parallels. She's being replaced! "I'm at that age I've been warned my whole life about"
Lisanti Quarterly a mysterious top ten list. Such fun. Try to guess the movies ... or even the film year for that matter.
In Contention Can that late breaking Fighter overtake the Best Pic frontrunners? Interesting question.
Indie Wire Film Comment's top 50 - the tippity top exactly mirrors those Los Angeles Film Critics Awards last week.
Go Fug Yourself a touching Burlesque conversation between Cher & Christina Aguilera
Movie|Line is rooting for Alanis Morrissette in the Original Song race

It's Roger Ebert's World...
Roger Ebert reveals his top ten list... make that top twenty-two lists. He's beloved and he's an enjoyable writer as always but I have to say that his film taste has always bewildered me; The King's Speech greater than Black Swan or I Am Love? Secretariat and Hereafter compared qualitatively to Another Year and Rabbit Hole? Does not compute. Although it does compute as more middlebrow Academy friendly than many film critics so his opinions are always worth watching when speculating about Oscarish enthusiasms. But on the other hand, here's his rulebook for critics. It's kind of awesome.

There Are 41 Songs (& Vids). There Is Only 1 CHER.

41 Songs were declared eligible for Oscar's least cinematically relevant prize a short while ago. Wheeee!

We only didn't share them yesterday because every single damn thing happens in the same week. I'd be more excited about this category if recent years hadn't seen the big show trending away from original performers singing their original songs. If I can't see Cher doing her Burlesque number(s) on Oscar night, someone is going down.

The Academy will choose up to 5 of these songs as nominees, depending on how their voting goes. I've included video accompaniment when available - listen (and watch up).



 Which are you rooting for?

Please god no. No more honors for this eyesore movie.

"Alice" from Alice in Wonderland

"Forever One Love" from Black Tulip 

"Freedom Song" from Black Tulip

 oooh, now this is more like it. Sadly, it's only a partial video.

"Welcome to Burlesque" from Burlesque

 

a Burlesque suite.

"Bound to You" from Burlesque 

"You Haven‘t Seen the Last of Me" from Burlesque

Despical Meusic Videos from Narnia

"There‘s a Place for Us" from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

"Despicable Me" from Despicable Me 

"Coming Home" from Country Strong 

"Me and Tennessee" from Country Strong
Country Strong has a YouTube channel but neither of their eligible songs are featured. Weirdness.
"Prettiest Girls" from Despicable Me

 

Jeg ♥ Sondre Lerche and not just because he's Norwegian, kjenner du.

"Dear Laughing Doubters" from Dinner for Schmucks

eat pray love & going the distance.

"Better Days" from Eat Pray Love 

"If You Run" from Going the Distance

demo version of Holy Rollers end credits and live Jónsi perf.

"Darkness before the Dawn" from Holy Rollers

"Sticks & Stones" from How to Train Your Dragon

There's no mistaking Bill Plympton's animated films for anyone else's

"Le Gris" from Idiots and Angels
 "Chanson Illusionist" from The Illusionist

God clearly hates me that I am forced to share that music video (to your left)

"Never Say Never" from The Karate Kid 

"To the Sky" from Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga‘Hoole

"What If" from Letters to Juliet

"Life during Wartime" from Life during Wartime

"Made in Dagenham" from Made in Dagenham (couldn't find a vid but here's a sample)

"Little One" from Mother and Child (no vid but sample - pretty song)

"Be the One" from The Next Three Days (no video -- why not Moby? You used to make good ones -- but here's the song)

"If I Rise" from 127 Hours (song)

"When You See Forever" from The Perfect Game

"I Remain" from Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (no Alanis video but here's the song)

"Dream Big" from Pure Country 2: The Gift

"How I Love You" from Ramona and Beezus (no vid but here's the song)

Remember Landon Pigg from Whip It? His punishment for treating Ellen Page like crap is singing a Shrek song.

"Darling I Do" from Shrek Forever After

"Noka Oi" from Six Days in Paradise (no video but here's the song)

"This Is a Low" from Tamara Drewe 

"Rise" from 3 Billion and Counting

Two likely nominees from animated hits.

"I See The Light" from Tangled
"We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3

"Eclipse: All Yours" from The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (it's not embeddable which saves me from having to promote Twilight. Yay.)

I'm still kinda pissed that Justin Timberlake survived but Janet Jackson's career was demolished. Just sayin'

"Nothing" from Tyler Perry‘s Why Did I Get Married Too 

"A Better Life" from Unbeaten 

"Shine" from Waiting for 'Superman‘

"The Reasons Why" from Wretches & Jabberers (here's the song)

Name your preferred five songs in the comments. Or maybe you think they should just dump this category all together?
*

Welcome to "Burlesque"

Happy Thanksgiving to all. Care for some turkey? Cher, XTina and gay filmmaker Steve Antin shall provide a succulent bird. If you’ve been looking forward to the new musical BURLESQUE, relax. I come not to disparage the movie, but to (mostly) praise it. Consider this a corrective protest. It will prove too easy a target for critics and haters, who often seem to despise girlie or flashy movies before they’ve even seen them, but it’s not truly a turkey. It’s more like a (hot) pink flamingo; the plumage is so colorful, you forget that it looks like it should fall over.

The basic plot of Burlesque is so typical as to be personality free: small town dreamer arrives in big city to make it big. Does. The End. But let’s backtrack. Christina Aguilera, referred to as “Ali” since she’s acting or “Iowa” since she’s just off the bus, chances upon the club “Burlesque” run by Cher. For some reason everyone in the movie keeps calling Cher “Tess" but even Cher knows she’s just playing Cher. Tess even gets an 11th hour power ballad "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me Yet" to remind you that she's Cher....

Read the full review @ Towleroad.

Links

Low Resolution "22 Short Thoughts on Burlesque" #20 is an idea for a sequel that I would entirely fund myself were I a gazillionaire even if I knew I'd lo$e it all. That's how badly I want it to exist.
Boing Boing Forged Disney Art on eBay. You really can't cheat with Ursula, the sea witch; people are way too obsessed with that bitch, you know?
Cinema Blend Michelle Williams as Marilyn, again.
Dear Old Hollywood revisits Joan Crawford's early residences in California.
The Hollywood Reporter in praise of Lesley Manville (Another Year) and the Best Actress race. (Though I must say I think the consensus about locks and slots is kind of a mess. I think no one is safe beyond Bening & Portman as there's 5ish strong contenders for the other 3 spots. Thus, no safety.)
Serious Film laments the non-adaptation of Harry Potter books in the making of Harry Potter films.
Nick's Flick Picks talks up 10 films he liked more than you'd expect. Yet another example of how generous of spirit my pal Nick is, while never losing his critical acumen.

Jeff Bridges - Style Icon GQ has a slide show. I love this photo above wherein he's reading something generically titled "Western Story" given that there is a noticeable west/southwest line running through several of his movies (though he was born and raised in LA which we don't really think of when we think "Western"). FWIW, True Grit starts screening in force in about one week's time so you'll be hearing a lot more about it here and elsewhere soon.
GQ That's part of their "Men of the Year" issue which also features James Franco & ScarJo.

Offscreen Hilarity
Confessions of a Book Fiend by Grant Snider
Hyperbole and a Half "Dogs Don't Understand Simple Concepts Like Moving". I seriously got the giggles while reading this - the very audible giggles. Trying to surpress them for the benefit of my Thanksgiving guests who were still asleep from their food comas did not work. My apologies to everyone roused by my cackling.

Links With Benefits

Journalistic Skepticism Oooh, it's a must read listen. Luke has collected the film scores this year. Which is your favorite and who do you think is winning the Oscar for Best Score?
Cinema Blend smart post about confusingly similar 2011 romantic comedies Friends With Benefits and No Strings Attached. One twin thing that isn't mentioned: Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman, the female leads from the respective movies are sexually entanged together in Black Swan.
Towleroad A bit about Spielberg's Lincoln. Plus, my continued Harry Potter agnosticism . I don't even wanna see this one. Five hours to tell that book? And I've heard that they do spend lots of time moping in that tent. Argh. I don't even dislike the movies really (except the first two) but 9 years is more than enough for one series. Wrap that damn thing up already!
Austin Translation has some fun advice for future Disneyland travellers.
I.Z. Reloaded amazing Star Wars inspired art.
Vulture looks at the possibilities in a post Harry Potter world for Daniel Radcliffe.

Finally, have you read this great New York Times Cher profile piece? I particularly loved this bit about her surreal fame-filled life.

It’s an odd existence, Cher’s. When she recounted a late-night gabfest with two girlfriends in the bedroom of her Malibu manse not long ago, the gabbers in question were Joan Rivers and Kathy Griffin. When she flashed back to a favorite exercise class in Beverly Hills decades ago, the fellow crunchers and squatters were Raquel Welch, Ali MacGraw and, to a more limited and grudging extent, Barbra Streisand, who “would go over, do two little things, and then walk around and talk,” Cher said.

She refers to most of these people by first name or nickname only, figuring you can fill in the blanks. Nicky is Nicolas Cage, Kurty is Kurt Russell, Mich is Michelle Pfeiffer and Nony is Winona Ryder, who starred with Cher in “Mermaids” in 1990 but suffered a career setback after a subsequent arrest for shoplifting.

“It’s such a drag that some crimes are cool and some crimes are uncool,” Cher said.

Ha. You know why that "snap out of it" scene in Moonstruck is so infinitely funny/resonant? Because loving Cher (in ridiculous proportions to how much you probably should love Cher) comes so naturally; you have to be slapped to break her spell!

True story: Last night I was supposed to meet The Boyfriend for an event and I got confused about where we were meeting. I ended up at that big wall-painting of Burlesque I shared last week (which wasn't where I was supposed to be). A minute later he showed up just as I was ringing him.

"How'd you know where I was?" I ask.
"I knew you'd gravitate towards Cher."
*

Burlesque ~ New Photo!

Here it is, in all its hot honey glory

I wish I liked Christina Aguilera more because I am so thankful that we'll have a musical to enjoy in the movie theaters this year. But still... CHER.

This photo begs the question, though...
The Hand Bra: Who wore it best?

poll by twiigs.com

BARBRA STREISAND